The Dawn Report » Newest First (All)

Sometimes I just want to write stuff, so that be my blog...

My Interview with Lionel Shriver
08 NOVEMBER 2013 : INTERVIEWS

We Need To Talk About Kevin is one of my favourite books of all time. If you don’t know it, it’s a story about a young boy who gets trigger happy at his school and pops off a load of other kids. There is also a mother, Eva, who is cold, harsh, and impenetrable. But did she deserve a son like Kevin? Of course not, but the novel throws up the nature/nurture debate better than any other. I was grippe...

I asked on Twitter what I should blog about. The most popular question?… How do you feel about Trolls?
31 JULY 2012 : JUST STUFF…

Trolls, eh? How do I feel about trolls? I hate them, the spiteful, nasty, low life bastards. That’s how I feel about trolls.

I have been trolled, trolled real hard. Trolled so hard I haven’t slept for days. Trolled so hard my self esteem has been left raw and sore. Sore and raw. Rawsore. Trolling hurts, it hurts bad.

The worst thing about Trolling? When pe...

Quick trip to Tesco = Guilt trip about being an atheist.
20 DECEMBER 2011 : MY LIFE

I was just in Tesco. I was purchasing some red and gold wrapping paper. The man serving me said ‘Ahhh, for Christmas?’ Thinking that was blazingly obvious, but being in a good mood, I answered with a cheery ‘yes’ and continued to pack my bags. He then said ‘Are you a Christian?’

I froze.
Why? Why did he ask me that? What did it matter in th...

Norman and His Sore Willy
17 NOVEMBER 2011 : MY LIFE

I arrived in Guernsey for a long weekend to stay with my Aunt and Uncle. I was raised by them, so this is my family home. What always surprises me about going home is how quickly I revert back to how I behaved as a teenager. I don’t know how they do it, but no matter how grown up, successful in love or career, or how much experience I gain in the big bad world, when I go home and see my pare...

Making It Through The Wilderness.
01 NOVEMBER 2011 : FUNNY

Ferry Angry

I believe that when you have animals you should do your best to keep them with you at all times. This is why, whenever possible, Lilu (cat) and Potato (dog) come with me on my holidays. Our last trip was to Guernsey, we went there on the ferry.

The ferry takes around two and a half hours from Weymouth to Guernsey. During which time Potato and Lilu sleep in...

Making It Through The Wilderness – Mousey.
21 OCTOBER 2011 : JUST STUFF…

The London Riots were no fun for anyone. I can safely say that I have never felt so unsafe. Chris was in America so Lilu, Potato and I were home alone with our new addition to the family, Mousey.

Mousey comes to visit a lot, however this time mousey seemed to think he didn’t have to leave. Mousey also seemed to think that Lilu was just a big mousey, and Lilu thought that mouse...

Miss Brilliant Saigon.
06 OCTOBER 2011 : MY LIFE

We are in Saigon. Chris is shooting a movie here, so I am writing/exploring while he works. I booked myself onto a cookery course for tomorrow and I just went to pay for it but they couldn’t find my email confirmation. They showed me one saying that it was the only one they had, it was for a Ms Brilliant. Took me a while to realise that I ended my last email to them with the word, BRILLIANT....

Sound Healing – SHUT UP!
26 APRIL 2011 : JUST STUFF…

Hello, my name is Dawn and I…

‘…realise I may be sounding unkind, but in a two-hour class that was meant to cleanse my aura I was surprised to be sat in front of someone who had such an unpleasant one’.

As I walked up the stairs into the Hare Krishna temple I was promptly ushered into a long thin room by a shoeless, blond, male nymph with a s...

Laughter Yoga? Are you being funny?
08 APRIL 2011 : FUNNY

Hello, my name is Dawn Porter and I…

‘…started to wonder what this was all about. Why not just watch an episode of The Office and laugh for real? Why meet strangers in a room full of denim and no windows and pretend to laugh at them?’

As I entered the building in Uptown Manhattan a little old lady walked about three feet ahead of me. I crept ...

My Adventures in Wonderland…
21 FEBRUARY 2011 : FOOD

It was January in New York City and the air was so cold I could feel it hit my lungs. The sky was blue, but every sidewalk, every chimney top and every tree was coated in a thick layer of solid white. Beautiful to look at, catastrophic under foot.

In the midst of this winter Wonderland there was me, trudging in a pair of $30 boots from the Army Surplus store through the streets of L...

Bitching doesnt make anyone feel good.
04 OCTOBER 2010 : JUST STUFF…

Earlier on this year I wrote an article for Stylist about people who bitch on the internet, specifically those who attack celebrities. The response was huge and unexpected. I thought admitting to even noticing that people talk about me would get me criticised even more, but in fact, most people came forward telling me they thought consistently bitchy tweets were nothing short of bullying and off t...

Hangovers, pigs hearts and acupunture. Could it get any weirder??
12 SEPTEMBER 2010 : MY LIFE

I just found this post one an old site of mine. Thought it was quite funny and thought I would re post it! Must have been from about two years ago….
xxxxxx
My oh my, what a horrendous day I had today. This is a totally unsophisticated story I am going to tell. Brace yourselves!
I was out last night in Soho Town, with a couple of great friends. We were downing shots, dan...

Dawn Goes LA LA – Part 4
28 JULY 2010 : DAWN GOES LA LA

After a few weeks of working and arriving home to an empty flat at a time of day when I couldn’t call England because it was sleeping, I started to wish that I had never left London. Had I sacrificed my happiness to follow a dream that didn’t seem to exist? Had I walked away from the life I had always wanted in London to a life of solitude and feelings of social inadequacy? Where were ...

Lemons?
28 JULY 2010 : FUNNY

I am in Sainsbury’s. I walk up to the cashier with a basket of breakfast treats including two lemons. I am excited to get home and cook up a feast. I am starving. I have bed hair. I have sunglasses on. I could have done with another half an hours sleep.

As the cashier scans my goods, he takes hold of two lemons and says ‘lemons?’

I tilt my head and d...

Now if that aint a Badangle, I dont know what is!
11 JULY 2010 : MY LIFE

Yeah, so I just saw the picture blown up and am mortified by the size of my double chin. Gross. But what can you do!

This is a classic ‘Badangle’ – a picture taken of of you at a particularly bad angle.

Please find another picture of my face, commit it to memory, then imagine it on the top of the jumpsuit. Thanks!...

Dawn Goes LA LA – Part Three
10 JULY 2010 : DAWN GOES LA LA

As the Virgin Atlantic flight VS003 took off and I waved goodbye to the Heathrow runway I knew that whatever lay ahead of me, life had changed forever. I had made it, achieved the ultimate in my ambition. I was flying to Los Angeles to become a star. Or not? I wondered how many other girls had sat in that very seat before me thinking exactly the same thing. Kate Winslet, Keira Knightley , erm&hell...

My life in Periods…Part Three
08 JULY 2010 : GIRL STUFF

The pain that can be affiliated with your period can be crippling. I escaped this for the first few years – which I am grateful for, as a throbbing womb with the mad moments might have resulted in certain insanity by my 15th birthday. However, when I was 16 I experienced period pain for the first time and I am not exaggerating when I say that if I can get through what I got through that day ...

My life in Periods…Part Two
08 JULY 2010 : GIRL STUFF

So, luckily I didn’t have epilepsy, but if I had then my issues with talking about my periods could have got me into serious trouble. You would have thought this would open me up a bit, but no. There was life and death and then there were periods, at that age there was no doubt which one I found most terrifying.

By the age of 13 they were regular as clockwork but I was keeping...

My life in Periods…Part One
08 JULY 2010 : GIRL STUFF

Not very long ago I suffered a severe personal injustice – I got my period whilst on a night out. I was not wearing any knickers (trying to be sexy), I was wearing a white dress, and I was a twenty minute walk away from a shop. It was the epitome of the term ‘Period Drama’.

I was at the party with my boyfriend. It was an industry do and my job for the night was to ...

Dawn Goes LA LA – part two
22 JUNE 2010 : DAWN GOES LA LA

How I ended up in LA in the first place…

My 29th birthday was significant in many ways. I have always looked forward to being 30, as I always dreamed that on my 30th birthday my struggle would be over and that I would be able to plateau into a calmer state of mind. I hoped that I would have achieved success, made friends that would be with me for life, and had enough fantasti...

I want to be…(wedding speech part two)
21 JUNE 2010 : MY WEDDING SPEECH

Oh my giddy aunt I can’t believe what I put myself through with that reading. I wrote something on Friday then LUCKILY read it to my sister who told me it was ‘shit’. I spend the night before the wedding with the bride drinking wine pretending everything was fine. It was not.

I went home and slept, but due to jet lag I woke up at 2am and popped a sleeping pill that...

Love is…hiccup. Sorry, what were we talking about?? – (wedding speech part one).
17 JUNE 2010 : MY WEDDING SPEECH

I am sitting in LAX airport eating Sun Chips, looking out over the runway, drinking red wine and panicking. Why?  Because it is my cousins wedding this Saturday and I am supposed to be doing a reading in the church, which I promised I would write. And guess what…I haven’t!

She doesn’t know this though. I told her I had done it weeks ago because she went all B...

My first year in LA
09 JUNE 2010 : DAWN GOES LA LA

Dawn Goes LA LA!

What moving to California was like for me…..

Without trying to kill the dream this story dispels the myths and sheds light on the realities of Hollywood. DAWN GOES LA LA is the tale of my first year living in Los Angeles, with all the culture shock, weirdness and emotion that entailed. It begins at my 29th Birthday party, which was also my leav...