Vagacial

21 AUGUST 2010
This is an article I wrote for Cosmo a few months ago. We had to edit it down for the mag, but here is the origional. Will post the copy that was published too. It is often interesting to see the process  x x x x x

As the plane touched down in San Fransisco I discreetly pulled my jeans away from my tummy and looked down into my knickers. As I sat in seat 23 E staring quizzically at my groin I wondered what on earth I was about to put it through. I was on my way for a Vagacial, the latest beauty fad to hit California.

Was this to be yet another procedure I would have to add to my already crazy list of things to do to make me body beautiful? Don’t we have enough to worry about already with our waxing, manicures and threading? And I don’t know about you but since anal bleaching came along I barely have time in my diary for anything else!! However, always on the look out for exciting new ways to make me feel good I felt impelled to give it a go.

When I arrived at the Stripped salon on Union Street, I was surprised at its small unassuming entrance. I had expected the place where the ‘’Vagacial’’ was invented to be far more over the top, but in fact it seemed deliberately subtle. As I opened the door and walked down two steps into the reception there were all sorts of pretty fun potions, lotions and underwear to browse through. The atmosphere was very feminine and gentle, and it smelt absolutely gorgeous.

I was greeted by two of the ladies who worked there. Both of whom were not the intimidating stick thin Californian stereotype women you would expect. They were dressed modestly and had a fair amount of meat on their bones, which instantly made me feel I was in the hands of women who understood women. It was a small detail but they made me feel very comfortable because of the way that they looked. They gave me a glass of water and I took a seat of a silver poof.

My appointment was actually to be with Kathryn Goldman, the owner of Stripped. Apparently Kathryn has performed over 5000 Brazilian waxes over the course of her career, and it was she who actually invented the Vagacial. As I sat on my poof my imagination was running wild as to what this vaginal genius would look like. After five minutes I had decided she was probably very tall, dressed in sexy black leather, wore too much make-up and had lots of tattoos. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Instead Kathryn was about 5 ft 6, with cute curly hair, and a little button nose that crinkled when she smiled.  She was softly spoke and down to earth, almost impossible not to like. She was probably a small size 12 and wore a pair of jeans and a white crochet t-shirt. She was very mumsy and gentle compared to the maniac I had created in my head. I have to say, I was quite pleased about this.

Kathryn led me into the treatment room, which was very simple – just white walls with a beautiful mirror on one, and a very subtle purple pattern on another. Again it smelt delicious.

She gave me a towel, told me to strip from the waste down and left the room.

‘Hang on’ I shouted after her ‘What position should I lie in?’

‘The Frog’ she said as she closed the door.

Now…there are a few things that a women who just took her knickers off never wants to hear. ‘Get into the frog position’ is definitely one of them.

However, if I was to embrace this experience fully I would have to do as she said, so I jumped on the bed, put the soles of my feet together and let my knees flop to the side. There it was, The Frog. I think I might even have croaked…

She came back in.

‘Ok Dawn are you ready for your Vagacial?’  She said as I half expected her to put her thumbs together, stretch her arms out straight and do a forward dive straight into my vagina. I actually began to feel a little nervous, as I had absolutely no idea what was about to happen.

First she wiped over my bikini area with an antibacterial body wash and some witch hazel. I had a Brazilian a few days before – a prerequisite for the treatment – so she cleansed pretty much everywhere above the line of what I would call my ‘actual vagina’, and then she stopped.

I asked her if there was a problem.

‘No, not at all. That is the area the Vagacial treats. This is not a treatment for your labia’

Slightly take aback with the ease with which she said the word labia I flopped back and, if I am honest I felt disappointed.

‘This is a treatment to cure the nasty effects of ingrown hairs that so many women suffer from after waxing. It isn’t actually for your vagina itself’.

‘But it is called a VAGacial’ I moaned

‘I know. I am so proud of that. I have patented the name’ she replied with a satisfied smirk on her face.

‘So, the Vagacial (I said dubiously) is a legit procedure for a legitimate problem?’

‘YES’

Oh…how utterly boring!

‘It is the equivalent to acne treatment on your face I guess’ Kathryn continued. ‘Some women get such emotional distress from their unsightly ingrown hairs that I developed a treatment that gets rid of them’.

Just as I was about to prize my legs back together and leave because I don’t even have any ingrown hairs, she whipped out a massive pair of silver tweezers and told me to lie still.

‘What are those for?’ I asked

‘The extraction’ She replied.

The WHAT??? ‘ But I don’t have any ingrown hairs!!’

‘Yes you do. You have loads. I will show you’

All of a sudden I felt very nervous. Lovely sweet Kathryn had turned into a scary woman who was holding a pair of sharp tweezers dangerously close to my most precious possession. But as it turns out, she was right. I did have lots of ingrown hairs.

As she oozed each one out she occasionally showed them to me. I was shocked (and grossed out) to see how many fully grown hairs were all coiled up and stuck under my skin. If it hadn’t been for Kathryn they could have got infected and become a really big problem. My trust in her was soon reinstated, as I honestly began to believe that she might just have cared about my fanny as much as I do.

I wont deny it, the extractions did sting a little so I was very pleased when she said she was finished and that it was time for my mask. There were three choices; an anti freckle one, an anti acne one or a calming one.

‘I think you need the calming mask’ she said.

Worried that my vagina had come across as angry in some way I apologized on its behalf and lay back to enjoy the warm lavender gel that she was smoothing all over my crotch. It felt really lovely. For a minute there I even forgot I was in the frog, and THAT is saying something!

When she had applied it Kathryn left the room again and I was alone for about 4 minutes. It was kind of relaxing, but I did feel a little bit like I had been stapled to the bed via my fanny as I was too scared to move incase the mask cracked.

When she came back and peeled it off I was relieved, and I have to admit, my ‘area’ did feel really fresh.

The final step was to wipe it over with a lightening cream as ingrown hairs can sometimes cause discoloration. Then I was done, and the proud owner of a recently Vagacialed Vagina.

For $60 I think the Vagacial is a good deal, and if you suffer from in growing hairs then it is a no brainer, it could really help you out. But I don’t think I will be adding it to my To Do list.

I was a little disappointed that it wasn’t quite what it sounds like it should be.  I have NO idea what I think I wanted to happen in that room but lets just put it this way, I think I was looking for a cleansing experience that would have me blushing for weeks. So if anyone ever hears that someone has invented the Vulvacial, let me know. Because THAT I want to try!